Whatever Happened to Rudy Giuliani?

Thanks to the good folks at The Onion ("America's Finest News Source"), we now know what happened to Rudy Giuliani, self-proclaimed hero of September 11:

According to witnesses, former new York City mayor and one-time favorite for the Republican presidential nomination Rudolph Giuliani was seen slumped over and asleep on the Coney Island-bound F train late Tuesday night….

For more from The Onion, check out their website here.